Halloween Costumes – Make One Already!

It’s almost OFFICIALLY Halloween, y’all!!! I am literally bursting at my seams (and various orifices) in anticipation of it!

Since it's already my Facebook profile pic, here's a glimpse of my Sally costume!
Since it’s already my Facebook profile pic, here’s a glimpse of my Sally costume!

I know there are folks out there (sad and lonely) who haven’t already attended a multitude of Halloween parties this season, and so are still in desperate, last-minute need of a costume. Alternatively, there are folks out there who do not have hoarder parents and are unwilling to repeat a costume, and are therefore scrambling for yet another Halloween “look” this year. (A costume repeat?? Quel scandale!) While I don’t live in that bizarre reality, I am sympathetic to the unique circumstances in which a person (or “normie”) might find themselves costume-less this close to Halloween, but will NEVER sympathize with a person going without because of a lack of planning or imagination.

Don't be this guy. He is not cool.
Don’t be this bro-guy. He is not cool.

What IS cool is: effort, creativity, nerdy fun, sexy fun, puns, word-play, WIGS, up-cycled anything, face paint, cardboard boxes, classic costumes, reversed gender roles, and being original. FOR EXAMPLE:

Meet Edgar Allan Ho! THIS guy is awesome.

This brings me to the much-debated “sexy lady costume” debate, which has been officially beaten to death. I don’t know about your “crowd,” but within my amazing friend group, we are fortunate enough to have a bunch of straight dudes who kind of love sexing it up on Halloween. (Traditionally in the form of short shorts.) I agree with the above Jezebel article, and that people should do/look however they please (generally), as long as they aren’t harming anyone, however, the Halloween I know and love requires effort and imagination. Usually, Slutty _____ does not equal imaginative.

Several years ago I did opt for "Sexy" Stalin, which was homemade (except my rad 'stache) and IRONIC.
Several years ago I did opt for “Sexy” Stalin, which was homemade (except my rad ‘stache) and IRONIC.

Since I attended a couple of parties (on the same night!) this year as “Sexy Atreyu” I realize I’m not justified in denouncing all the sexy lady costumes out there, however, I will say that I’ve never delved into “slutty” territory (in so far as that means LOTS of T&A and/or dressing like a stripper), or purchased a polyester costume in a bag.

IF I had a body like that, I still don't think a generic S-M-L is going to look like that.
IF I had a body like that, I still don’t think a generic S-M-L is going to fit that well. Also, none of these are scary, except for the vague threat of an exposed labia.
That is one sexy hot dog.
That is one fried egg. Also, hot dogs are inherently sexy, let’s not be redundant.

Many of these “Sexy” costumes are completely ridiculous, which is amusing and delightful on one hand, but as it’s been said, these being the ONLY options for women on Halloween is super lame. Even though I think putting together a costume yourself, either by sewing or hot glue, or scouring thrift stores in a thrilling scavenger hunt for the ideal items is more fun and more cost effective, there are folks out there who want to walk into a Halloween pop-up store (good times) and purchase one without all the “hassle.” I get it. You’re busy or whatever, and I’m glad you’re dressing up! So, for those ladies, and dudes, it behooves us all to have some more creative, perhaps less sexy/slutty/racist/stereotypical/garbage options available.

The amazing Kristen Schaal took it the other way on “The Daily Show” with her “Sexy Vagina” costume. Buy it on eBay!

The “Sexy Vagina” totally wins Halloween for me, but there are a TON of costumes out there that are hilarious-mazing, and I know many more will surface over the next few days.

Don't love kids, but this costume is the best!
Don’t love kids, but this costume is perfect!
This guy is a great Ned Flanders!
This guy is a great Ned Flanders!
Love the dynamic, and that she's just a badass Han.
Love the dynamic, and that she’s just a badass Han.
Mermaid Man! Obviously created with love and imagination. Adore the fuzzy slippers!
Amazing Ursula!
Amazing Ursula!
Army Guys look so fantastic!
Army Guys look so fantastic!

This year, in real life, I’ve seen some great costumes, including (but not limited to): Star Trek characters, a gorgeous Marilyn Monroe (circa “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes“),  (Dude) Khaleesi and Dragons, Sharknado, Magnum P.I., a Rockford Peach, Ursula, Skeletor, Prince Adam, a life-size cockroach and praying mantis (same AWESOME lady), Taylor Swift (and baggage), “Super Kale,” Hipster Amelia Earhart, The Astrodome, an Aztec Pyramid, Cleopatra, and so many more! They have all been well put together, thought out and crafted with care.

Thankfully, I was spared the IRL version of any Miley-related costumes.

So, if you have yet to buy, create or craft a costume, GO DO THAT. (Right now, while you’re inspired!) Get to it, because Halloween is an amazingly fun holiday defined by the grotesque and ridiculous! Even if it’s raining tomorrow (it apparently will be in Houston), just dress as a Mermaid, Gene KellyEsther Williams, or a zombie (zombies don’t care if it rains!), and run with it!

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Leah says:

    Man, I was SUPERFOOD, not “super kale”.

    1. I’m sorry, Leah! It was a pretty amazing party, and all I could remember was your enthusiasm and the beautiful placement of kale behind your ear!

  2. How did I not know you had this blog?! Your Halloween costumes this year were outrageous! Keep up the good work.

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